If someone listens to you, doesn’t judge you, doesn’t worry about you, and doesn’t want to change you, how wonderful it would be! “- American psychologist Carl Rogers
This short sentence expresses the most intuitive difference between good listening and bad listening.
A good listener, first of all, does not make judgments about the listener, which expresses respect.
In the process of listening, a non judgmental attitude is essential to win the trust of the listener and make them willing to express their feelings.
Without judgment or interruption, the speaker can express their pent up emotions and thoughts in one go, achieving the goal of venting.
Every evaluation is a pause, like a traffic light intersection on a city road. I believe everyone has experienced the feeling of being constantly frustrated. If we want to be a good listener, we should try to minimize the disturbance to the listener, speak less and listen more, just like opening up a highway for them to freely gallop and express themselves.
‘Not worrying about you’ means not worrying about others, which also reflects a respectful attitude, but goes further.
Not worried expresses trust and positive expectations towards the parties involved, believing that they can handle their own affairs well. Unless the other party actively seeks assistance, I will only be a spiritual supporter and will not take over others’ private affairs.
Previously, there was an article that said, “Worrying about others is a curse.” Although this statement may be a bit harsh, upon careful consideration, it also has some truth. All concerns are negative assumptions, including fear of external factors and underestimation of the abilities of the parties involved. Although it can remind the other party to be cautious, the side effects are indeed significant.
‘I don’t want to change you’ is the most direct manifestation of respect and acceptance.
In real life, many conflicts arise from attempts to change others, which means not accepting them. Whether this attempt is in the form of suggestions or demands, it is a denial of the other party and a condescending and arrogant attitude. People who are treated like this will never feel comfortable in their hearts, and there are probably not many who willingly accept this kind of treatment.
Although the vast majority of people know that no one is perfect and no one is the embodiment of truth. But in disputes, we often forget this point. Neither party is willing to admit their own shortcomings, nor do they admit the other party’s strengths. Conflicts escalate step by step under this either or mindset, ultimately forming a deadlock.
What kind of treatment will we receive when we adopt a tolerant and accepting attitude towards others, pay more attention to their shining points, and sincerely give appreciation to others? I think, even if it’s not a warm and bright smile, at least it won’t be a hostile look.
This kind of interpersonal relationship state doesn’t require us to do too much, as long as we don’t judge right from wrong, don’t worry, don’t try to change, just listen sincerely and patiently.