Haruki Murakami has the following classic quote:
Beyond a certain age, life is nothing but a process of constant loss. The things that are precious to your life will slip out of your hand one by one, like a comb with its teeth open. What falls into your hands instead are all worthless counterfeit products. Physical fitness, hope, dreams and ideals, beliefs and meanings, or the people you love, all continue to fade away from you, one person after another. And once it disappears, you can never find it again, even finding something to replace it is not easy. This is really impressive. Sometimes it’s like cutting with a knife, unbearable pain.
Many versions, for unknown reasons, omit the author’s opening sentence ‘over a certain age’. This out of context version has become a completely pessimistic tone, giving people a feeling of decadence, despair, and boredom. Reading such a version may give people a relatively negative evaluation of Haruki Murakami, which may be unfair to the author.
It cannot be denied that Haruki Murakami described some objective realities of entering the second half of life, which are situations that those fortunate enough to enjoy a longer life must face. However, he overlooked another aspect of the situation: while losing, there is also gain.
Our physical fitness has weakened, and we have learned to slow down our pace and use our minds more to think, rather than acting impulsively and recklessly like when we were young;
Dreams and fantasies have passed away, and we have learned to be down-to-earth, starting from small things in a down-to-earth manner, instead of being too ambitious and having low expectations like before;
Some beliefs have changed, given up, and new ideas have emerged, like shedding skin, transforming us from romanticism of the past to realism;
The complex and intricate ideas of the past have become increasingly refined. We have gone from having various ideas and possibilities to being focused and proficient. We have gone from shallow tasting and empty talk to being wise, transparent, and returning to simplicity.
Perhaps the most unbearable loss in life is the departure of loved ones. What gains can we make here as compensation for our losses? Frankel’s theory can serve as a direction for our thinking: if given a choice, would you rather be the one who leaves first, leaving sadness for your loved one, or stay and accompany them on their final journey, letting them leave peacefully and bear the pain of loss on your own? It can be said that we have lost love, but we have also achieved a happy ending for our partners. Who can explain the difference between loss and gain, sadness and joy?
Haruki Murakami’s words should not only be a feeling and a sigh, but more importantly, a reminder to cherish everything we have in this moment: to live well and have no regrets.