What kind of marital relationship is the most comfortable that we often talk about? Is it about never quarrelling and always giving in? Not really.
Even the most good-tempered person can get carried away over trifles. Trivial quarrels in marriage are inevitable.
A good marriage is not about finding someone who never quarrels, but about finding someone who still remembers to come home after a fight.
The right person can never be separated by arguments.
If there’s anything you’re not satisfied with, let’s have a quarrel
Many people demonize quarrels, but in fact, they are unnecessary. Express all your grievances and dissatisfaction, as long as it doesn’t escalate to personal attacks or foul language.
Thinking about life, there are so many things that can lead to arguments. We often forget to turn off the lights, throw socks around, fail to screw on the LIDS of seasonings, and say we’ll do the dishes but don’t wash our chopsticks at the same time…
At first, I just wanted to say a few kind words. But as I kept talking, I might bring up past grievances and pour out all the unspoken words from the past.
It’s better to pour it out than to keep it bottled up inside. In marriage, the most feared thing is that if you don’t speak up when you feel wronged, in the end, even the feelings will be suppressed.
The Japanese drama “Quartet” tells the story of a seemingly loving couple:
When a husband and a wife fall in love, they appreciate each other and soon get married. After marriage, the wife was immersed in love and became a housewife.
The couple never quarrel. Every decision made by the wife is said by the husband: “This is wonderful.” So the wife always believed that there were no cracks in this marriage.
However, the husband doesn’t think so. He doesn’t like his wife being a housewife; he prefers her at work. He doesn’t like to pour lemon juice over fried chicken either, but when his wife does, he still says, “This is the most delicious fried chicken on the earth.”
During their years of getting along, the husband never showed his dissatisfaction. He wanted to go for a walk to find the feeling of being in love. His wife said it was too cold and suggested having coffee at home. He agreed.
His wife brought their love collection to the corner of the table, and he fell silent.
Finally, on an extremely ordinary day, the husband felt that he could no longer bear such a life and left. Once he left, he didn’t come back for a whole year.
It was at this moment that the wife woke up from the illusion of a happy marriage. Finally, when they met, they took off their wedding rings for each other, completed the divorce procedures and turned to leave.
If we could have had a quarrel and brought it up earlier, would it not have ended up like this?
Is the husband at fault? He wanted to accommodate his wife and was willing to endure the injustice himself. Is the wife at fault? She wants to take care of her husband and always be the woman behind him.
They are not at fault. They just forgot that marriage is not about enduring grievances but sharing them, and that a couple is not about one in front of the other but moving forward hand in hand.
To share grievances, one must express them. We are not saints and cannot do so without a hint of venting emotion when we pour out our grievances.
Two people who move forward hand in hand must know what the other is thinking in order to keep in step.
After a quarrel, the way to make up can be very cute
Couples never need to worry about having no excuse to quarrel or no way to make up.
A few days ago, my husband and I had a quarrel over a meal. The reason was that I had rejected all the dishes he wanted to order, and he insisted that I didn’t care about his feelings.
None of us was convinced. We ignored each other and each played with our own mobile phones.
Later, I was really hungry and went to cook dumplings and noodles. Of course, I also cooked his portion. When I placed the two big bowls on the table, I didn’t say a word and just kept my head down to eat.
After a while, he came running over and asked in a stiff tone, “For whom is there another bowl?” ” I didn’t even raise my head and said, “Feeding the dog.”
Then, I heard a very soft voice: “Woof ~”.
Marriage is like this: conflicts keep emerging and they keep being smoothed out. A good marriage can remain sweet amid minor quarrels and disputes.
When two people have lived together for a long time, they don’t need to worry about having a quarrel and being unable to bring themselves to make up. Compared with conflicts, in marriage, there are more common hobbies and habits.
This is an advertisement for Thai laundry detergent. It tells the story of a young couple who always quarrel over trivial matters but quickly make up.
When driving out, we would quarrel over whether to turn left or right, but the next moment we heard the familiar music of each other, we would dance around in perfect harmony.
When it comes to what to eat, if the two people have different suggestions, they will have a quarrel. After the quarrel, they will make up because of the same taste.
And every quarrel makes them cherish each other even more.
It doesn’t matter what we quarrel about anymore. In the end, we will all make up because of love. Because falling in love is a lovely thing, the way of making up also becomes lovely.
A good marriage, after slamming the door and leaving, still remembers to come home
Lou Yixiao and Liu Kaiwei starred in a TV drama called “You Are My Sister”, playing a couple.
Once, they had a quarrel. The boyfriend slammed the door and left. The girlfriend said, “If you leave, don’t come back. If you do, you’ll be your grandson!” After a while, the boyfriend knocked on the door and said, “Grandma, open the door quickly.”
This kind of interaction is truly comfortable.
After a quarrel, remember to go home. Remember that the place where you quarreled is always your home, and the people there are your lifelong companions. So after calming down, go back and face it calmly.
Some people need some personal space after a quarrel. If they can’t calm down face to face, they will choose to go out. This is understandable.
And the one who stays at home often falls into unknown worries: What is he/she doing outside? What is ta thinking now? Will we just part ways like this?
In marriage, a cooling-off period is reasonable, but cold violence is not. Remember that those who go home understand that after the cooling-off period, there should be no shadow of cold violence left.
As mentioned above, my husband and I had a quarrel over a meal. In the end, I asked him what he would do if I didn’t cook. He said, “I’ll go downstairs to the supermarket to buy bread to eat. If you don’t like bread, I’ll bring you cookies.”
The other half who remembers to go home after a quarrel is actually also feeling sorry for you and can’t bear to leave you alone at home to suffer.
Just like a sentence I saw online before:
True love is being able to buy some vegetables and cook at home after slamping on the door after a quarrel. True love is being infuriated by you one second and then starting to care about your hunger, cold, fullness and warmth the next second.
There are inherent differences among people. Independent individuals are full of conflicts, and two people in love are no exception. After the stage of treating each other with respect and courtesy, whenever it comes to daily necessities like firewood, rice, oil and salt, big and small quarrels are inevitable.
The one who can hold your hand for a lifetime is not someone who never quarrels with you, but someone who can come home at any time no matter how fierce the quarrels are.