Nowadays, aging has arrived around us. Chatting with the elderly, taking care of them, and visiting them have all become daily routines. Dealing with the elderly is also a profound subject.
I recently chatted with a friend who was very angry and unhappy. It turned out that I was having dinner with an elder who was over 70 years old. During the meal, he kept scolding the people around him, especially those he had helped, saying they had no conscience, were dragging their feet, and counting down the faults of others The mouth didn’t stop throughout the entire eating process.
Dealing with this type of elderly person, younger generations will satisfy them. But satisfying him will inevitably result in his own grievances. If you agree with the voice, he will become even more severe; You remain silent, he will go his own way; I kept talking about Chen Guzi’s rotten sesame seeds over and over again. Then you play with your phone to avoid it, and he will mock and ridicule you.
So, how can we satisfy the elderly without feeling wronged? This is really difficult to deal with. Suppression is not enough, isolation is not enough. But there’s no need to be angry. The biggest characteristic of the elderly is “both glory and loss” (known as symbiosis in psychology). You are angry and entangled with him, which he can’t wait for. The narrative of elderly people is like that of Sister Xianglin, no, Sister Xianglin is not as good, at least Sister Xianglin is narrating her own children. As a junior, the first thing is to be clear headed.
Older people do not awaken, do not imagine that they will change.
The older generation grew up in a harsh environment when they were young, and even as they grew older, they would be haunted by the “pain body” and “scarcity” they experienced in the past. Adding retirement, the loss caused by estranged relationships is indescribable, and it is inevitable to cover up one’s inner emptiness and helplessness by blaming others (those who have connections with him). The process of aging means a decrease in control over life, and blaming others (those they have helped in the past) becomes a way for older people to gain a sense of control. Especially for elderly people who have power when they are young, they tend to maintain a sense of power by blaming others.
The “filial piety” that the elderly expect from the younger generation does not identify with constraints and expects respect from the younger generation. Support is short-lived in this rapidly developing era, and it is impossible to be as close as in the “courtyard era” in increasingly divided families based on units. This is the emotional alienation brought about by the industrial age.
As the elderly age, the lack of fresh stimuli in the brain will only become increasingly severe. Perhaps at this point, you should stop and do enough psychological construction to dispel the sense of guilt. This is his business, whether I am here or not, he will do this, it has nothing to do with me. Not entangled, not angry, not approving. At this point, if you have such understanding, you have won. Of course, most elderly people are still reasonable and enjoy their old age.
Remember one thing. Once on the bus, there was an old man with white hair and a strong spirit. My neighbor asked her, ‘Where are you going?’? She said, ‘I miss my grandson, he’s not available, I’ll go see him.’. This is a type that is transparent and accessible.
There is another way, which is to play with the elderly if you have time, patience, and emotions that are not invaded by them. After all, we will also age!