If you don’t study hard, when you grow up, you will have to
Dad (Mom) didn’t have good conditions and didn’t study hard back then, which is why he’s having such a bad time today. Don’t follow my old path
Parents often earnestly engage in ideological work with their children, hoping that they understand the importance of learning and can work hard from then on.
The intention of parents doing this is good, but the effect is often unsatisfactory. Many children, after being educated by their parents in this way, not only fail to uplift their spirits and study diligently, but also become depressed and lethargic. Why is that?
Exposing one’s own shortcomings is a sincere and rare act. But there are some things to pay attention to here, if not done properly, there will be many side effects.
Firstly, parents’ self deprecation is not beneficial for their children’s growth.
Parents hold a significant position in the hearts of their children, and their self-evaluation can have a significant impact on them. The younger the child, the more they admire and attach to their parents. In the minds of children, parents are heroes standing tall and providing shelter from wind and rain. If parents belittle themselves, show inferiority and self abandonment, it will undoubtedly have a strong psychological impact on their children, causing insecurity and a sense of low value. If the idols that children worship and imitate collapse, it will cause earthquake like destructive effects in their inner world. This kind of influence is also true in families where couples slander each other.
Parents are the objects of children’s imitation and the first generation idols. We do not need to overly beautify them, but we cannot belittle ourselves either. Because parents are the starting point for children, a state of standing tall and constantly striving for self-improvement is the most beneficial for their growth.
Secondly, fear does not have a constructive effect.
The introduction and evaluation of the current situation by parents may be in line with the real situation, but negative thinking patterns will not have a positive encouraging effect on children. Under fear, people have three coping options: fight, escape, and freeze. Although battle is the best choice, a battle without hope has a low probability of being chosen. Even in battle, one always feels that there is no hope of winning from the bottom of their heart, and it is easy to give up. Therefore, hope and motivation are indispensable.
From the depressed state of parents, children see the decline of the defeated, which undoubtedly plays a role in “persuading surrender”. Children who are addicted to the internet, games, and making friends, and lack interest in learning, have the reaction of running away and freezing.
Some children seem to be working hard, as if they have chosen to “fight”, but their grades do not match their efforts. In addition to learning methods, another possibility is that they feel lost about the future and are passive fighters who do not believe they can succeed.
There is no unified standard for success in the world, and success is closely related to each person’s subjective evaluation. How others perceive it is their own business, and how we evaluate ourselves is our own business. If ordinary people can abide by the law, be kind and upright, they will be successful in life; By working diligently and being self-sufficient, one can achieve success in their endeavors. Every honest worker deserves to be proud of themselves. This self affirmation is not Ah Q’s “spiritual victory method”, but a reflection of the lives of the vast majority of people since ancient times.
Parents who view themselves positively and positively are indirect encouragement to their children; Parents doing what they should and can do is a silent demonstration and the most persuasive education for their children.