Human beings are social animals, living in various relationships. There are many standards to measure the quality of a relationship, and one of them is very concise and clear: a good relationship makes each other become better versions of themselves.
Since it is a mutual achievement, the beneficiaries of this relationship are not one-sided, but mutual. In real life, there are many negative situations.
Taking marital relationship as an example:
Unilateral payment type:
This type is divided into two types: father woman and mother child. One party takes care of, tolerates, and accommodates the other party like parents, while the other party calmly “enjoys” the other party’s care like children. If the partner who pays happens to be the type who likes to take care of others, this type of couple will also cooperate and complement each other.
AA type:
Both husband and wife have separate accounts and do not interfere with each other. For common affairs, they are divided equally and impartially. Although it is more like a joint-stock partnership doing business than a marriage and family, due to clear rules, as long as we recognize each other and do not make “excessive” demands on each other, we can still live in peace.
Debt collection type:
There is an article titled ‘Giving is the Killer of Happiness’ that basically talks about this type. One party always hopes to receive equal rewards for their efforts, otherwise they will be disappointed, wronged, and angry. As emotions escalate step by step and attitudes deteriorate day by day, the relationship naturally goes downhill. Unfortunately, in this type, the other party is not without feedback, but there is a gap between this feedback and the expectations of the parties involved, and the communication between the two parties is not ideal, leading to the accumulation of dissatisfaction and the deterioration of the relationship.
Couples have different roles and responsibilities, making it difficult to achieve absolute equality. Some people demand an absolute ideal of ‘having a telepathic connection’ from others, but if they cannot achieve it, they will be greatly disappointed. In fact, there is no need for it. If we can put ourselves in the other person’s shoes and see if we can also have a telepathic connection with them, perhaps this difficult problem will be solved on its own.
The situation of unilateral payment faces the potential crisis of resource depletion. Even if one party’s resources are as abundant as the ocean, they cannot stop the one-way expenditure that lasts for years and has no return. If both parties can come and go, forming a virtuous cycle, then the relationship between the two can continue to thrive.
The clearly defined AA couples are like strangers under the same roof, and their marital relationship is only nominal and not ideal. How can the boundaries be drawn so clearly, so imposing and unapproachable? Where does this distrust and insecurity come from? It is worth pondering.
For the besieged residents who complain about their hardships while working hard, learning to see and appreciate each other’s efforts, learning to put themselves in others’ shoes, perhaps can reduce some troubles and provide more satisfaction.
At the beginning of entering into a romantic or marital relationship, I believe that the vast majority of people have a beautiful wish of mutual respect and love, and growing old together. Whether the road after marriage becomes a prosperous one or a narrow one, both of them have responsibilities.
If you find that your husband has become a smoker, drunkard, internet addict, or cheater, or your wife has become a resentful woman, shrew, shrew, or slut, as a partner, you need to reflect.
A good relationship requires both parties to work together. Since both parties benefit, whoever works hard first can do it.