Parents often treat their children’s early love problems as if they were facing a great enemy. In addition to early warning and earnest persuasion, high-pressure control measures are used to the extreme. However, the effect of doing so may not be ideal.
Early love is a highly stigmatized phenomenon, but in fact, curiosity and affection towards the opposite sex are the result of normal physiological and psychological development in adolescents. Although parents’ intention is to prevent their children from taking the wrong path or affecting their studies due to distractions, if the handling measures are not appropriate, good intentions may not necessarily lead to good results.
What should we do better?
The most important thing for parents to have a rational attitude towards the issue of “early love”.
Some parents are shocked by the negative examples of early love and are afraid that the same thing will happen to their children. Therefore, they either indirectly or openly demand that their children pay attention to their behavior and not take any action beyond the boundaries, otherwise they will do whatever they want. Little do they know, the effect of doing so may be exactly the opposite for adolescent children.
Adolescent children pay special attention to whether their parents respect and trust them. These reminders and warnings from parents can easily be seen as a threat and distrust by children, which can easily trigger their rebellious mentality. On the other hand, some children may not have a special feeling towards opposite sex communication at first, and the reminders from parents may have a completely opposite effect. Children may either start to pay attention and be curious, or start to worry and be afraid, and the natural interaction between genders may actually become a problem.
Some parents have two extreme attitudes towards their children’s heterosexual interactions, with the college entrance examination as the boundary. Before the college entrance examination, it is absolutely prohibited, and after the examination, it is strongly urged. This ridiculous behavior is not isolated, but very common. This is like a person who is strictly restricted from exercising and, at a certain age, is forced to become a sports champion. Its absurdity is self-evident.
A considerable portion of the “early love” phenomenon that actually occurs in real life is due to family reasons. The most important one among them is the disharmony of family atmosphere, especially the poor marital relationship between parents.
When parents are caught up in their own marital conflicts, their emotional state is often quite bad. In this situation, their attitude towards children tends to be impatient and rough. Some parents even treat their children as confidants, portraying their parents as worthless and warning them not to find such a partner in the future, repeating their own mistakes. The result of doing so is not only to destroy the image of one’s spouse, but also to destroy one’s own image in the eyes of children. The respect and trust of children towards their parents fall apart in such complaints and grievances. As the offspring of such despicable individuals, children naturally have a very negative evaluation of themselves. Children are easily tempted and led astray by those with ulterior motives, either to verify their own value and worth of love, or to give up and break free.
When parents are overwhelmed by their own marital conflicts and their children have nowhere to confide in, it also prompts them to seek emotional support from others. Therefore, parents whose children experience “early love” should reflect not on their children, but on themselves.
Famous psychologist Alfred Adler provided a detailed discussion on this in his book “Beyond Inferiority”. According to his viewpoint, the more unhappy a couple is, the more likely they are to have problematic children.
Many children who experience “early love” do not initially pursue heterosexual relationships based on physiological needs and goals, but only psychological comfort and support. But the development of the situation is likely to deviate due to its immaturity and impulsiveness, which is very distressing.
If a child’s family is harmonious, the relationship between parents is harmonious, and the child’s emotional needs can be fully satisfied by parents, the child can focus on normal learning and life, and will not easily be tempted by external temptations. Due to their peaceful mentality, even if they have curiosity and feelings for the opposite sex, they can rationally grasp and take responsibility for each other, and will not be hungry or reckless in order to fill their emotional needs.
Adolescence is a crucial period for children to transition from childhood to adulthood, and the greatest guarantee parents can provide for their children is a harmonious family. Family support is not just about material satisfaction, but also about psychological support, behavioral demonstration, and guidance.
How to do it? You can start by providing your child with wholehearted companionship and listening. When children are able to communicate with their parents without barriers, many problems are easily solved.