Xiaoxu, clothing sales. Work is very busy. But she participates in volunteer activities on weekends, going to nursing homes, welfare homes, and taking care of stray cats In the community, she likes to help and is particularly enthusiastic about people.
She is too kind, always sacrificing herself to help others
She won’t refuse any request, even if she’s already exhausted
She is a warm-hearted person
These praises resound in my ears. But Xiaoxu is unhappy: I have done so much, and someone says I am “sick”?
Is Xiaoxu sick? What do you think?
Helping others is a fine tradition, no problem. The ancient saying goes: Too much is not enough. Do you think Xiaoxu is too enthusiastic and too eager to help others? can make nothing of it.
In psychology, ‘altruism’ is a prosocial behavior and a positive quality. The ability to care for others, consider others, and provide support for others is a deeply connected relationship between people that makes life more meaningful. Where does’ illness’ come from?
I asked a friend, and her explanation is as follows. Excessive enthusiasm is a disease. The feeling of weakness and helplessness in others is just a subconscious projection, that is, the fear of becoming weak one day and having no one to help. However, by actively helping others, one can feel at ease. In addition, pathological altruistic individuals feel a psychological advantage when helping others, indicating that they are strong and able to receive gratitude and respect from others, thus forming a psychological “nourishment” that nourishes the weak, timid, and risk averse self deep inside.
That sounds reasonable too. From Xiaoxu’s perspective, it’s better to comfort him.
Firstly, to help people, the bottom line is not to ignore their own needs. People should first care for themselves. In life, we are often bound by responsibilities, work, and family, and for this and that, we often neglect to care for ourselves. However, while caring for others, one should also know how to care for oneself. This is not selfishness, but a necessary way of mental health.
Selfishness and self are different. The self is a category of attention, self-worth, and self-esteem that focuses on one’s own needs while also balancing the needs of others. Selfishness revolves around self satisfaction and neglects the interests of others. For example, considering personal taste when ordering is selfish, and completely disregarding others’ preferences is considered selfish.
Avoid emotional blackmail when helping others. For example, when giving, there is a hidden expectation – the desire for the other person’s gratitude, love, or loyalty. Once the expectation is dashed, there will be complaints everywhere. That is to say, if you have helped others, you should not think that others should help you and give back to you, nor should you blame others with the help of others. These are all things that should be avoided.
To avoid cognitive distortion of being needed. I am only valuable when I am needed “,” My existence is meant to be needed “- as an adult, I still exchange excessive payment for love and acceptance, repeating the familiar relationship script of childhood – completely mortgaging my self-esteem on the evaluation of others. When self-worth is completely tied to the recognition of others, this’ love to help others’ is not kindness, but illness.
Helping others is an interpersonal relationship, but avoidance becomes silent control – by satisfying others to help others in exchange for dominance in the relationship or avoiding the fear of being abandoned. Giving is just hoping that others love you, need you, and listen to your own words. There are many people like this who have helped you. If you don’t follow his plan, you will be ungrateful and ungrateful. In fact, their so-called ‘help’ is mixed with selfishness, just placing their desire to achieve self on others.
Xiaoxu, don’t be unhappy. Helping others is not wrong, first of all, we need to take care of ourselves and take good care of ourselves. The kindness that naturally flows out of one’s own abundant spring is healthy and sustainable.
Wishing you happiness!